


Transgender Dysphoria Blues

by 1Temmie_Official1



Series: Eric's ATLA One Shots [6]
Category: Avatar: The Last Airbender
Genre: Angst, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Asexual Jin (Avatar), Azula (Avatar) Gets a Hug, Azula (Avatar) Needs a Hug, Azula (Avatar) Redemption, Azula (Avatar)-centric, Bad Decisions, Bisexual Jin (Avatar), Body Dysphoria, Coming Out, Eric Projects Onto Azula, F/F, First Kiss, Friends to Lovers, Gen, Gender Dysphoria, Happy Ending, Hurt/Comfort, I am overusing green tea as a plot device, I think I reached the symbolism where I can say 'tea as a love language', Insecurity, Internalized Transphobia, Lesbian Azula (Avatar), Meet-Cute, Mentioned Ozai (Avatar), Mentioned Ursa (Avatar), Misgendering, POV Azula (Avatar), Post-Canon, Protective Zuko (Avatar), Secret Identity, Sharing a Bed, Tags Contain Spoilers, Tea, Trans Azula (Avatar), Trans Toph (Avatar), Trans Zuko (Avatar), Transphobia, Uncle Iroh is now a local cryptid and it shows, Useless Lesbian Azula (Avatar), Zuko (Avatar) is a Good Brother, Zuko is an Awkward Turtleduck, a lot because ~shit happened~, but I don’t put the actual dead name its implied, deadnaming, ish
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-12
Updated: 2020-11-12
Packaged: 2021-03-09 06:07:58
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 12,403
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27319744
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/1Temmie_Official1/pseuds/1Temmie_Official1
Summary: After the war is over, Azula can’t help it. The crawling in her skin, the inescapable flinch every time someone calls her a boy, he, him, sir, prince. She thought those feelings from her childhood were over, but maybe her and Zuko do have something in common.
Relationships: Azula & The Gaang (Avatar), Azula & Zuko (Avatar), Azula/Jin (Avatar), Jin & Zuko (Avatar), Minor or Background Relationship(s), Sokka/Zuko (Avatar)
Series: Eric's ATLA One Shots [6]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1943566
Comments: 28
Kudos: 137
Collections: A:tla





	Transgender Dysphoria Blues

**Author's Note:**

> TW for transphobia: starts at ' **But a server did.** ', ends at ' **Azula snapped back to reality** '
> 
> General TW for pretty graphic descriptions of dysphoria, accidental and self misgendering, purposeful misgendering in the transphobia section, self-hate, and even though I don't put Azula's deadname its implied that it's spoken in some sections. There's one sentence where I refer to ants burrowing into someone's skin as a metaphor and that's probably a trigger for someone so proceed with caution.

Azula, she thought to herself, was not normal.

Obviously, one would think that was because of the fact that she was part of the Fire Nation royal family, maybe how she conquered Ba Sing with only words, how she was a tactical genius. However, this time, it was none of those things.

She was not known as a "she" to anyone but herself. Every day the words grew heavier, the wrongness of the words weighing on her shoulders and forcing her away from people to avoid that wrongness. She had started actively ignoring people, because every time she went out to an event or activity it became harder and harder to hide the flinches at the wrong pronouns, wrong titles. Her body was starting to _develop_ in ways that made her skin crawl, made her mind even more distanced from the body it was contained in. Thank the spirits she was a late bloomer, but it still hurt. Still not as much as the wrong name, wrong clothes, and wrong pronouns. She knew, logically, that she could stop it. Just tell them, but it was something that she had guarded so close to her heart that she couldn't do it.

So, for the next time that week, she kept herself to her room. It would give her the chance to practice wearing and applying makeup, even if she would wipe it off the moment she had admired it for a minute. It was the only taste of freedom she had, the one thing that had kept her semi-sane when she was still living with Ozai. She had planned the slipped away moments, and, with Ozai being quite routinely, she could always expect when he would come for her. That was changed now, but some things she could still expect, like how she had an hour to herself before anyone came searching for her.

What she hadn't expected was a surprise visit from Zuko.

When she was in the middle of applying her lipstick.

"Hey, I-" Zuzu cut himself off when he saw the truly shocked expression on Azula's face.

"Get out." She growled, ignoring her heart which was going faster than a spooked jack-hare. How her hands were shaking as something threatened to grow inside of her. Fear. She was afraid. Still, Zuko did not move, still stuck blank-faced at the door. "GET OUT!" She screamed. Her fire was boiling at the surface, instincts ready to protect her.

"I-" Zuko stood straight. "No, I'm not mad at you. We are b- siblings. We can work through this." Foolish Zuzu, didn't he know that Azula couldn't be reasoned with? Still, some logical part of her knew that Zuko was the one person she knew that could possibly understand what she was going through. So she let him in.

She turned away. "Shut the door." She snapped. Her hands were trembling. She set down the lipstick. She was already glancing at exits. Luckily she hadn’t peaked at 14, and even after a year, she was still as strong, if not stronger than she was during the war. She could fight her way out. A click of the door and Zuko sat down on her bed

A tense silence filled the room. Azula refused to look at Zuko. Seconds passed, and it felt like hours before Zuko broke the silence. “Are you experimenting with makeup...” Azula tensed at the use of her dead name. It wasn’t right of her to feel this way. She had only been referred to as that word for her whole life, why did she feel this way now? Zuko didn’t notice her struggle. “I mean that’s okay! I know that Sokka wears makeup sometimes, there’s nothing wrong with that. Men can wear makeup too.” There was that horrible word again. Men. All she was defined as was a man not what she wanted to be, what she was: a woman. A girl, a sister, a princess. Not a man.

“I know that.” She said, trying to keep the venom out of her voice. It didn’t work. She was, undeniably, afraid. Afraid of the rejection she _knew_ was coming. Zuko, for as little social skills he had, noticed it.

He addressed her by her dead name. “Are you... like me?”

She couldn’t help the sarcasm. It was a defence, but it was the only one she had at this point. “Like you how, Zuzu? A Fire Lord? That would certainly be news to me.” It was laid heavy, an attempt to change the subject.

Zuko saw right through it. “No, you know what I mean.” Zuko’s features morphed into one of concern. Oh no, he was trying to be a ‘big brother’. “Do you want to talk about it? If you _are_ then I support you completely, it would be hypocritical of me to not-“

“Fine.” She cut him off, sick of seeing Zuko embarrass himself like that. She became aware of her heart beating out of her chest. “Do... do you remember when we were little and I took your dresses from you?”

Zuko was confused. “Yeah-“

She cut him off again, ready to get this over with. “I know you do. I...” the phrase was caught in her throat. She took a breath, still refusing to meet Zuko’s gaze. “My name is Azula.” Her real name felt strange to say out loud. “I am the _princess_ of the Fire Nation, and,” she paused, taking a breath and finally turning to see Zuko’s reaction. “I am your sister.”

Zuko didn’t hesitate to respond. “I am-“ _so disappointed, disgusted, angry at you, kicking you out-_ “so sorry, Azula.” Those were the last words she thought he would say, but hearing him say her name broke something inside her, like a floodgate being let open. She blinked rapidly, trying to keep the tears from spilling from her eyes.

“Why?” She kept her voice steady, but it betrayed the slightest tremble. _Princes don’t cry_ , her treacherous mind snarled.

He didn’t answer the question, instead, choosing to ask. “Can I hug you?”

Azula nodded. Zuko walked to her, wrapping his arms around her body. The tears were flowing now, and she was probably ruining his robes. “Why are you doing this? Why don’t you hate me?” She sobbed into his shirt. _Father would have hated me, why aren’t you doing anything to me?_

His words were spoken soft and reassuring. “Because you’re my sister.”

Azula didn’t know how long she stayed like that, makeup being ruined, Zuko saying assuring words to her. It was cathartic, and all the emotions she had kept in spilled out over the edges and into her tears. She did know, though, that it did end.

Zuko kneeled in front of her. “What do you need from me?”

“What do you mean?”

“You are my sister, you need new clothes, makeup,” even though Azula was exhausted from crying she felt like she might start crying again, this time from happiness though. “And Toph told me that she gets her medications from this lady in the Earth Kingdom, we could get some for you.” He put his hand in her’s. Azula inhaled sharply, overwhelmed by all the options.

She could be known as a woman. Toph was like her. She could have her name said, her real one. She could wear makeup freely. She could have medications to fix her body before it started to _change_.

It was so much to take in all at once. “I... I need some time to think about this.” Azula turned away to prevent Zuko from seeing the storm of emotions on her face. Zuko stood up. “Don’t tell anyone.” She added.

She expected Zuko to say something like ‘I already wasn’t’ or something along those lines. He surprised her again with a sincere “I won’t.”

Footsteps, the door open and shut behind her. She was alone again. She turned to the mirror. Someone’s face was staring back at her. Their long hair was framing their face, features starting to sharpen with age, eyes rimmed red from previously shed tears- with a jolt she realized it was her own.

In the silence of her own company, she let down her walls and buried her face into her arms.

-

It had been 4 months. Four months since Azula had confessed to Zuko of her identity, and it had gotten surprisingly better. She hadn’t told anyone else except for Uncle Iroh and Toph, who was supplying her with her medications as well. It had gotten... better. The first 2 month’s medication was to prevent her from developing male features, and the following month’s medications were to help her develop female ones. Azula didn’t pretend to fully understand exactly _how_ the process worked, but she was grateful for it. The effects were subtle at this point, but they were working.

She had also gotten makeup, which was wonderful, and Azula believed that she had finally found a look that suited her. When she studied herself in the mirror she was starting to believe that it was her own face. She had even started working on her voice, making it more feminine. She tried emulating Mei’s voice but giving it the sharp quality that hers still held. Life was going well.

Until _Fire Lord Zuzu_ decided that, because _apparently_ locking herself up in the palace and not interacting with anyone wasn't _healthy_ , spending time working at the Jasmine Dragon with their _dear Uncle_ was best for her. So it was off to Ba Sing Se again. It did, however, make her happy that she was going as a princess and/or a girl. She had apologized for her actions, now seeing that they were despicable and that what she had done was wrong. That didn’t mean that she had to like the people there.

“Azula! My niece!” Uncle greeted. Despite her disdain of her Uncle, it felt nice to have her name spoken, which was quickly overtaken by the fear of it being heard. One of Uncle’s servers stared at her.

“I thought you only had nephews?” He asked, a calculating expression on his face. Azula felt sick. Did he know-

Uncle Iroh laughed, unconcerned. “You must be mistaken, this is my niece on my late wife’s side. Azula is visiting from the Fire Islands to help me out with the tea shop and spend time with her poor, old uncle.” He joked. Azula’s shoulders relaxed in relief. She could work with that story, and it was believable enough that the other server was satisfied.

“Oh.” He bowed in a clumsy imitation of a Fire Nation greeting. “I’m Li Wei, from the Middle Ring. I’ll show you around.” He winked. He was flirting with her, why did that bring a sinking pit to her stomach? Azula forced a smile. She was a girl, wasn’t she supposed to like boys? Uncle Iroh bumped her towards Li Wei.

Li Wei showed her around the kitchens, standing close to her as he displayed their selection of teas. He wasn’t being rude, per se, he was obviously trying to ‘woo’ her, but she still didn’t feel completely 'comfortable', for lack of a better word, with his advancements.

“I think I should start my shift.” She said briskly, tying the apron around her waist. 

“I can help-“ Li Wei reached for the apron strings.

“No you can not.” She snapped.

“Wow, feisty,” he remarked. Azula narrowed her eyes at him, pausing. _Remember what your therapist said_ she thought to herself _Don’t push away people you just met._ If Azula really counted up what he had done, it wasn’t actually bad. She was just being paranoid again.

“Sorry.” She held back the venom in her voice. Li Wei sighed.

“It’s fine, I overstepped.” He backed away from her. “Let me try this again after you shift do you want to go out? On a date?”

Azula considered it. “No thank you, maybe next time.”

Li Wei smiled good-naturedly. “Cool, I’ll take you up on that next time.”

Azula’s job was to work the front desk, interacting with people and taking their orders. She did not like this, especially since she was expected to be _polite_ to people. Apparently, she was also supposed to have a “name tag” so people could feel more “connected” with her. Boring. The only reason it said her name on it was that Uncle took the liberty of writing it on for her. Azula had a sneaking suspicion that Uncle knew that given the first opportunity she would write curse words.

“Excuse me, miss?” Said the condescending voice of a customer. Azula put on a forced smile. She was starting to see why Zuko had a “customer service” voice and why he was so polite to those who worked in said customer service.

“Yes?”

“I ordered oolong, not ginseng.” She said, shoving the offending drink into Azula’s hands. Azula gripped the cup with such strength that she could feel it crack beneath her fingers. Her firebending began to heat up the tea, making it steam and boil, the smell wafting into the air.

“I’ll remedy that immediately.” She said slowly, restrained, forced grin still stuck to her face. The rude customer sniffed with an air of self-importance.

“I better hope so, I paid good money for that. Honestly, the service of this place!” The last part was muttered under her breath, which Azula pretended not to notice. Murdering people is not okay... in some situations. She brought it to the back of the shop where Uncle prepared the teas.

“Uncle, the order was for an oolong, not ginseng.” She said with carefully controlled anger. Uncle looked up.

“Oh! Silly me, I’ll brew her a new one.”

Azula barely refrained from screaming.

-

"Ma'am!" Azula turned to the newest customer who walked in. "Yes, you, excuse me." She strode up to Azula, heels clacking against the floor.

"What can I get you today?" Azula said to the painted face of the woman. She had the air of self-importance that most customers had, but there was something... different about her. Azula hadn't decided if it was a good different or a bad different, but it would surely involve her screaming into the pillow Uncle had put in the backroom for that very purpose. The lady pondered for a moment, her manicured nails tapping the bottom of her chin, expensive sleeves pooling at her elbows. The woman's order was either going to be something ridiculously expensive or something so outlandish that Azula would have to pay for another cup. Azula poised a hand above her notepad as the lady opened her mouth to order. "I'll have a matcha tea with no matcha."

Azula wasn't able to comprehend this. "You..? You want hot water?" She spluttered. Azula had served in a war, she had seen things that no one else had. She lived with Ex-Fire Lord Ozai for most of his reign, giving her intel about him that not even his closest advisors knew (most of those barely lasted a year or two). Azula had travelled to Ba Sing Se before the Dai Li was dismantled, one of the first Fire nation citizens to do so. Spirits! She even grew up with Zuzu! This triumphed all of her experience. Azula was too shocked to be angry.

The lady looked at her like Azula was an idiot. "No, I want matcha tea without any matcha. Didn't you hear me?"

"Well, you can pay much less for the warm water-" Azula tried to explain. The woman wasn't having any of it.

"No. I. Want. Matcha tea. Without. Matcha." She accentuated every word with a single painted nail jabbing at the air in front of Azula's chest. Azula scribbled the order in a daze. "I'll have the order placed under Chen." She sniffed. Done with completely changing the perception of Azula's world, she flipped herself around and sauntered over to an empty table.

Azula blankly walked to the back. Uncle looked up from where he was preparing the masala chai for Qiu. "Do you need help with Lady Chen's order?" He asked despite knowing fully well she could handle it on her own.

Azula didn't say anything, instead, she grabbed a cup and filled it with water, heating it with her firebending. "I fucking hate this job."

(The woman drank it all. She acted like it was _great_. Didn't even leave a tip.)

(Azula did end up screaming into the Screaming Pillow. For several minutes. She thinks that Li Wei made a smart decision in not talking to her that day.)

-

The days at the tea shop passed with the utmost infuriatingly slow pace. All the 'customer service' that helped Zuzu 'learn' to be a 'better, more rounded person' was absolute moose-bullshit. Li Wei, Azula learned, had a shift that overlapped with hers for about 20 minutes. For a whole of those 20 minutes, Li Wei would strike up 'small talk', which usually resulted in him, a total of one day a week, asking her if she would like to go "out on a date". To which Azula said "no".

It was getting quite repetitive, actually. The most interesting thing of the day was when she wrote curse words on her name tag.

Today her shift started quite plainly. She could not think of a new curse to put on her name tag, so she put a random word. _Green_ was today's, for all the green that was in the Jasmine Dragon and the colour of the tea leaves that Azula had to be around all day.

"Hi!" Someone said- _oh_ , The person across from Azula was stunning, that was the only way to describe it. Her hair cascaded in twin braids over her shoulders, round face graced with a small smile, and her voice was as sweet as dried orange peels and red date soup. Beauty was the only thing that came to mind. _Why did she feel this way? And for a girl too, what-?_ "What's your favourite tea?" The customer asked, breaking Azula out of her haze.

 _I don't even like tea that much. The only tea I like is the only one I can't remember the name of._ Was what Azula thought. _I only work here because my brother thought it would be good for me._ What she said, though, was: "Uh."

The girl smiled. "That's okay," The girl paused to read Azula's nametag. Azula was suddenly very grateful that she hadn't put a curse word on it today. "Green. You know what, I'll have one green tea, please."

Azula smiled, confused at the rush of heat to her face. "That's actually my favourite." She said. It wasn't _really_ a lie, she disliked all teas equally. Except the one from her childhood that her mother had made for her once. The partial lie was worth seeing the girl smile again.

"Cool." For a moment they both stared at each other. _Wow, her eyes are brown_ was all Azula's mind could think. Simply 'brown' didn't capture the feelings that those moments gave her. It seemed like hours, but it ended too soon. "Sorry, I must be holding up the line. I'll just, uh, wait over here." Azula felt a pang in her chest to see the girl go (there wasn't anyone in the line, why-).

It was then that Azula snapped back to reality. She was a girl, why did she like girls? That wasn't how it worked. Wait, was she faking her gender? Azula pushed those feelings away, filing it away for when she visited her therapist in a few weeks. Uncle noticed her panic(?) and came over to her.

"That's Jin." The way that he said it hinted something, but for the life of her Azula couldn't figure it out. "She comes over quite often, I think it would be good for you to spend time together." Uncle nudged her.

Azula rolled her eyes. "Make tea, old man." There wasn't any malice behind the words, and Uncle chuckled as he walked away.

"Ah, young love!"

Azula couldn't help the embarrassed scream. " _Uncle_ -!"

-

"Here's your tea." Azula carefully set down the drink. She had insisted on making the cup of green tea on her own, Uncle was 'busy' so she wanted to be 'helpful'. The girl, Jin(?), nodded in thanks and took a sip. "How do you like it?" Azula fiddled with the hem of the apron. Why was she so nervous-?

"Wow, it's amazing! Did you make it?" She asked in wonder.

Azula blushed. "Yes, I did."

"Thank you." The girl seemed to remember something. "Oh yeah, I'm Jin, I work at the bakery a few blocks down in the middle ring."

"I knew your name." At Jin's confused look, Azula elaborated. "Uncle told me."

"Cool, I'm here a lot so you'll be seeing more of me." _Thank Agni._

"That's nice." Another customer called Azula over. "Enjoy your tea."

It was this moment that Azula realized that she still hadn't told Jin her name.

-

This was their song and dance, Azula and Jin exchanged tea and words over the days. Li Wei was still there, and he was being... nice-ish to Azula after he had seen her interact with Jin.

It had become their game of Jin guessing what Azula's name could be. Azula still wrote _Green_ on her nametag, it was something about the word that kept her writing it.

"Okay, you aren't from the Earth Kingdom, you told me that yesterday," Jin said, leaning on the counter under the pretense of 'ordering'. No one else was there at that time of the morning (excluding Uncle and that one guy in the corner that already had been served), it was just Jin and her. Jin continued, putting up fingers for each point. "You're Fire Nation because your Uncle is Fire Nation, I heard your uncle call you something starting with an 'A' so that narrows it down, and" she pointed a finger at Azula. Her hands weren't typical of the manicured ones of the noblewomen who usually came in, not like the ones that had never seen a day of labour like the noblemen's, but they were pretty, modest but not calloused like a warrior's. "I asked a friend who lived in the Fire Nation for popular names, and I have a conclusion."

"Really?" Azula smirked.

Jin smiled with conviction- ( _was she supposed to feel a fluttering in her chest at this?_ )- "Your name is Aozora."

Azula took a moment to keep Jin in suspense, then shook her head. "Nope, close but no." 

Jin snapped. "Drat, I thought I had it. Is it Ayame?"

"No."

"Ami?"

Azula only gave a knowing smile. She leaned next to Jin's ear. "It's Azula." She quickly moved back.

"Azula." Her name sounded like the smile on Jin's face. Azula wanted to hear it again. "That name suits you." 

Azula resisted the urge to say she chose it herself.

-

Li Wei had been slightly withdrawn from Azula, he still asked her how she was, but he was... off. One day he asked her a different question. "Azula, do you..." He trailed off, then he made a strange motion. "Ya know, bend metal?"

Azula was confused. Was this a code? "No? I'm a fire bender." Li Wei sighed.

"I don't know, is there another phrase for it? My sister said that there might be another phrase for it. I'm asking you." He leaned a bit closer to her conspiratorially. "Are you only attracted to girls?"

Azula's mouth went dry. "I- that's none of your business." She turned and walked away. Her heart pounded against her ribcage in a frantic beat. _Did_ she only like girls? She would have to go to the only person who might have an answer: Uncle. Azula was going to wait until after her shift was over to ask, but it turned out she didn't need to.

"Hey, Green!" Jin called, inviting her to sit down, sliding her a cup of green tea. Azula couldn't help but blush as she sat down with the other girl.

Azula rolled her eyes. "You know my name is Azula. Plus, you also know I have to get back to my shift."

Jin smiled. " _Actually_ , I talked to your uncle and he said that you were working hard and he's letting you have the rest of the day off."

Azula frowned and turned around to glare at Uncle. He gave her a thumbs-up. Stupid Uncle.

"So, I saw you talking with Li Wei." Jin hinted.

Azula frowned at the mention of Li Wei, which called her back to her current crisis. She took a sip of tea to disguise her expression. "We're only acquaintances, he also asked me the strangest thing."

Jin seemed confused yet strangely... happier at her disdain of Li Wei. "What did he ask?"

Azula quickly fabricated a lie. "I was talking to him about my friend from back home who was a girl who used to be a boy." Azula kept herself nonchalant, observing Jin's reaction so she could see if the other girl disapproved. So far she wasn't phased. Strange. Good, still strange. "She wrote to me about how she has a crush on a girl. He asked me if _I_ only liked girls."

Jin rolled her eyes. Azula felt nervous, body flooded with anticipation and she gripped the cup tighter. "That's rude. You know, I actually went on a date with this guy Lee once, totally only liked boys and was in denial about it. We talked for a bit and he was like," at this Jin's voice took on a shamelessly poor imitation of 'Lee'. "'well, I'm a boy, I can't like boys! I used to be a girl, does this mean that I'm still a girl?'" Jin laughed a bit, not to be mean, at the fond memory. "He was cute, I told him that there's a whole range of people like him. Like how I like girls and boys but I'm not really interested in sleeping with them."

Azula was surprised. "What do you mean?"

Jin looked at her curiously. "You might have a different name for it, over here we call it 'asexual'. It means that I don't sleep with anyone, girl, boy, in between, no one at all." Jin paused, thinking. "It's like being hungry. Some people are hungry for one type of food, some for the other, some for only one specific food, some for food if it's made by a specific person, or, like me, they're not hungry at all." Azula nodded. That made sense.

"Yeah, Lee was funny, haven't seen him in a while. What did you say to Li Wei? Kind of tactless of him, if you ask me." Jin continued.

Azula shrugged. "I told him it was none of his business."

"Good for you! Oh yeah, I mean to ask you, do you want to help me make some pastries at the bakery tonight? It'll only be the two of us, my dad's out of town for the week."

Azula didn't hesitate. "Sure!" She responded enthusiastically, then blushed at her eagerness. "I mean sure." She said again, thoroughly embarrassed.

Jin blushed as well. "I mean, I guess we can go now if you have nothing else to do."

Now both of their faces were red. "I mean, I don't think Uncle would mind."

"I don't!" said Uncle.

"Uncle!" Azula screeched, somehow blushing _even more_.

Jin stood up awkwardly. "Well, uh, let's go."

Azula coughed in hopes to dispel her nerves. "Let's."

-

Baking with Jin was a new experience. Jin worked so smoothly in the kitchen, like flowing water over rocks. Azula wanted to work in sync with her, to find the rhythm that she held and harmonize it. Or she _would_ if she wasn't thinking of kissing her half the time if she wasn't always focused on her beating heart. This was not good, Azula was slowly developing a crush on her friend. It did not get better with the pang of regret that was that Azula felt that she was somehow tricking Jin. She was born as a _male_ , how would Jin react when she found out? Well, she wasn't rude to that Lee fellow, and the only time that her body would come up was immediately nulled because Jin didn't even want to sleep with anyone. But still-!

"Wow, you're great at kneading dough, though you need to tweak your strategy a bit," Jin said from behind Azula. Oh Agni, Jin put her arms flush with Azula's, effectively spooning her. As if Azula's panic couldn't get worse, Jin _put her hands on Azula's!!!_ "You have to stretch it more for this kind of dough." She demonstrated gently. Azula went as red as Zuzu's Fire Lord robes.

"Thank you," She most definitely didn't squeak.

After the bread was in the oven, Azula tried to get her thoughts off of the confusing feelings. "What type of tea do you want?"

Jin smiled. "Green. I don't know, someone just... turned me to it." Jin hinted.

Azula smiled ( _You can't have this. It's not going to happen, she doesn't like you that way._ ), "Aw, you know it's my favourite."

"I think it's just because I love it when you make it." Jin quipped. Azula only heard a few of the words in that sentence: _I think it's just because I love... you..._ No, don't go there.

"Blame Uncle, he's the one who made me a tea snob."

Jin's laugh brightened the room, brighter than any fire could do. Her face was tinted red from laughter, eyes crinkled in the corners. She was stunning. Azula was awestruck. Oh, wait she had to laugh too.

Azula was definitely going to ask Uncle what to do so when one had a crush on their friend.

-

Azula came back to Uncle's apartment well after dark. Saying goodbye to Jin felt bittersweet, and simply being away from her had carved a cave in her heart. The near-empty streets only taunted her, berating her for her choice of not staying despite Jin also having to go home. "Enjoying the city?" Uncle teased when she came in.

"Why _yes_ Uncle, I _love_ the city." Azula said sarcastically, tossing her apron down on the back of a chair. She was about to storm to her room when she heard Uncle ask her something else.

"Are you enjoying Jin's company? She seems to like you. I'm sure that your... baking went well." Uncle, yet again, hinted at something Azula didn't understand.

"Shut up, old man." Azula snapped. She stomped to her room, shutting the door abruptly. She paused. She turned back and opened it up a little, just enough for Uncle to see her face. "It went well." She closed the screen again and was left alone with her thoughts.

-

"Are you sure, though?"

"Yes."

"You _really_ only like girls?"

"Li Wei, if you do not shut up I will bring a complaint to my uncle, who, if your almond-pea brain remembers correctly, is the owner of this establishment, and make sure you get to deal with all of the worst customers."

"Wow, fine."

-

"What do you think of Jin?" Azula asked one day. Li Wei and she were washing dishes

Li Wei shrugged, rag and plate in hand. "She's not that pretty. Kind of average if you ask me."

Azula couldn't help the furrow of her brow. "I think she's pretty." Pretty didn't cover the quirk of her mouth at a joke, the freckle above her right brow, the twinkle of her eye when Azula gave Jin her morning tea, the excitement when she talked about her family of the bakery or her favourite flower. No, pretty wasn't strong enough a word, but Li Wei was satisfied by her answer.

"I guess." Li Wei went back to washing the plate. 

_Strange_ , Azula thought, _I thought everyone thought Jin was beautiful._

-

Her feelings hadn't faded or dissipated completely, they only festered like an open wound, her thoughts were constantly drawn back to them and even though she became less surprised to feel them, it hadn't lessened. It was always her, Jin's smile, Jin's laughter, Jin's favourite colour, something that Jin would like. Azula was in so deep.

So for what seemed like the 8th time in as many nights, Azula laid awake in her bed, unable to sleep despite being tired down to her bones. She was struck with a single, terrifying revelation, one that had been keeping her up for night after night. She would have to tell Jin. It was inevitable, and putting it off would just be pointless. Eugh. Azula rolled out of bed, giving in and deciding to get tea in the hopes that it might magically let her have a night without fitful rest.

She lit her pointer finger with a small flame, quietly moving through the room with-

"Ah, young niece, join me for a spot of tea."

"Uncle, what the fuck."

He pushed a cup of tea towards her. He had been sitting in a beam of moonlight. In the dark. Like he had been expecting her. Azula lit a lantern.

Azula cautiously sat down in front of him. "What is this?" She motioned towards the cup in front of her. Uncle stirred his own tea.

"That is Jin Xuan tea, a type of Oolong that a friend of mine in the Southern Earth Kingdom invented." In the pale lantern light, she could tell that it was a yellow colour, almost how water looks like in firelight. Except more yellow. Wow, what a wordsmith. A true poet to make Zuzu's Water Tribe boyfriend swoon and so theatrically competent that Zuko would faint on the spot. The mental image of both annoying boys passing out brought a smile to her face. She lifted the tea to her lips, trying it tentatively.

_Wait._

Uncle continued talking as if he hadn't brought her to a new world."It was Lady Ursa's favourite tea, I brought it to her once, she said that she had never had anything like it." Azula was awestruck. This was the one. Her favourite tea. It was supposed to be. It still had the creamy, milky taste that she remembered, still the undertone that reminded her of flowers. It was one of the only happy memories of her childhood, one where her mother loved her (she ignored how Mother had focused on Zuko's reaction, only given it to her as an afterthought when Zuko wanted to know how she thought of it). She still felt the pang of remembrance in her chest.

It wasn't quite her favourite. It was, once before, and it still held the same memories and fondness of the past, but it wasn't what her mind came up with when she wanted tea...

 _Green tea_ Azula realized. She couldn't get past the taste of green tea that she shared with Jin. The green in the clothes she wore, the green of the flowers she put in her hair, green brought her back to Jin.

"You seem to be lost in thought, niece. I assume it is not about tea?"

Azula sighed. "Uncle... is it normal for girls to like girls?"

Uncle set down his cup. "It is, and if you are one of them I have no quarrel with you. Who am I to govern who your heart yearns for? Love is one of the purest things a soul can feel, what am I to take that away?"

That felt... better. "Thank you." Her voice was clipped as she braced herself for asking the next question. "Uncle, I think that I like Jin."

Uncle chuckled. "I could see that from the moment she walked in that you were enamoured with her. You and your brother have more in common than you might think." He sipped his tea once more as Azula mulled that over

What did that mean? Wait, someone who was someone born in the wrong body like her, only likes boys, was in Ba Sing Se- "Zuko chose _Lee_ as a fake name?!" Azula cried out in stark realization. Uncle smiled behind his cup of tea. Jerk.

"Your brother was almost equally as awkward around Jin as you are now."

"Excuse you, but I am the epitome of grace and decorum."

-

Jin wasn't here yet. Not too bad but after coming out to Uncle she was on edge. Now she was actively, unfortunately, pining for Jin. It was embarrassing. She still did it anyway. Azula had been glancing at the door all day, anxiously waiting for her to come through it. Finally, _finally_ , Jin walked through the door.

"I'd like one cu-tea. Preferably at 6 when your shift is done." Jin said in almost a rush. Jin was held tense with excitement, like ordering tea was somehow new.

Azula blinked. _Did Uncle add a new blend?_ "I'm sorry, we don't have that here." Was her automatic customer-service response. The gears turned in her head, _cu-tea_.... _cutea?_... _CUTIE???!?!?_ Azula flushed red. "Uh, I mean, wh- I, uh-" Azula spluttered. _Oh Agni she likes me, oh Agni she likes me-_ She took a breath. "Yes."

Jin grinned wide. It was beautiful. Azula was in so deep. "Yay!! Uh, would it be good if we went to a restaurant? There's this one that has the best dumplings, you'll love it."

Azula couldn't help but smile too. "I'm sure I will."

"I'll have a green tea today," Jin ordered. Azula scribbled that on a notepad.

"I'll make it for you."

"Thanks, Azula!"

-

Azula stood in front of the mirror. She looked... she didn't look like a boy. Uncle had styled her hair, putting half of it into a bun and letting the other half fall over her shoulders. She still felt too big, shoulders too broad for a girl. She turned in the mirror. Her face felt too angular. Her chest wasn't as flat as before, but it wasn't like any other girls. She felt the wrongness crawling on her skin like fire ant-termites made burrows in her pores. She looked at her hands. Too big and square, palms mocking her, stock and large instead of being smaller and more 'delicate'. Even her height, she could be passed off as a taller girl, but she still felt _wrong_.

She pushed it down. Jin was waiting for her. She would have to tell Jin about... her.

In, out. She was ready for her date.

Before this, she had grabbed some rhododendron, bellflowers, and plum blossoms, tying them into a bouquet. Azula stopped in front of Jin's house. This was it. Azula knocked twice on the door.

Jin's voice sounded from inside. "Come in, I'll be ready in a bit!" Azula opened the door. It was a small apartment, Jin had obviously bought it with her own money. The personal touches of the place were undeniable hers, the vase of half-wilted flowers that obviously had to be changed, the painting in the corner of sunrise over some mountains, the shelf of books in the corner all reflected Jin's personality. Azula stood awkwardly with the bouquet in hand.

Jin stumbled out of a different section. Her hair was all tied back on her head in a single bunch. "Hi! Sorry, I took so long, I tried doing an updo but that didn't really work. Oh! Are those for me>"

"Y-you look great!" Was all Azula was able to stammer out. What had Ty Lee told her girls like? Compliments, right. What was easy to compliment, her outfit! "That's a sharp outfit, Jin." There was now no stopping the word vomit that she was putting out. "Careful, you could puncture the hull of an Empire-class Fire Nation battleship," someone needed to restrain her, take her back to the mental institution: that would be better than utterly humiliating herself in front of her crush. Yet, Azula found herself unable to stop. "leaving thousands to die at sea." Jin looked confused and mildly concerned. Azula pointed to Jin with the hand not holding flowers. "Because it's so sharp."

 _Okay_ , Azula thought to herself, _let's try that again._ "I like your hair. I brought you flowers." That made Jin smile.

"Thank you. Sorry, I wasn't able to get dressed in anything better, you," Jin motioned up and down at Azula. "You look amazing!"

Azula blushed. In a spur of the moment decision, she grabbed a bellflower from the bouquet and tucked it behind Jin's ear. Jin gave a small smile.

"Thank you, Azula." _Tell her_ Azula's conscience screamed. It might ruin them. But Azula was selfish, too selfish, and she stayed silent.

-

Dinner was well. Jin and Azula talked for hours, sharing stories and talking about life. Jin talked about her sibling who was going to Ba Sing Se University and was to inherit the bakery her family owned. Azula talked about life at the tea shop, the matcha-with-no-matcha lady, crazy customers. Before Azula had known it, their plates had been finished and they were paying for the bill. Still, the nagging voice at the back of her mind was like an axe swinging at a tree, over and over and over, cutting deeper with each stroke as time went on. 

They were at Jin's house. She was about to go in. She had to tell her-

 _But why?_ A voice whispered. _You could continue the lie, she doesn't need to know._

And she could. But she wouldn't because Jin deserved it. She was a friend, she could be trusted.

"Jin."

Azula's own voice surprised her. Jin turned to her, unaware of her own struggle.

"I... I need to tell you something." Azula said, this time more determined. She would not be afraid (but _apparently_ her body didn't get the memo because adrenaline still shot through her, the natural instinct to fight the 'threat' away).

"Yes?" Jin waited, she caught the look on Azula's face.

"May I say this inside?" Azula said, darting her eyes around the dark street. No one was there except them. The lamps had been lit, quiet flames flickering. So calm and peaceful. The calm before a storm.

Jin opened the door, a silent invitation. The apartment was dark, so Azula lit a lantern with a quick burst of controlled firebending. Jin motioned to the couch. "Do you want to sit down to tell me this?" She was so gentle and caring. It broke Azula's heart that she would have to lose this.

Azula nodded. Both of them sat down. Azula's bouquet of flowers had replaced Jin's old one. Would she toss them away after she learned the truth? She didn't know. "I want to start out saying that I like you. A... a lot." Azula started. She wanted to let these last moments be the best ones. She breathed in, out. "I never wanted to lie to you."

Jin, for her credit, didn't say anything, letting Azula continue with her confession. Azula's hands, once so controlled that they could shoot lightning with deadly accuracy when she was having a mental breakdown, were slightly shaking as she sat straight up in the chair in Jin's dining room. Azula kept her eyes on anything but Jin, anything to prolong the final moments before everything would fall apart. She had faced the wrath of her father, the disapproval of her mother, being forsaken by Uncle, but somehow this was the hardest thing she had ever done. Maybe it was because this was the first taste of freedom, of _love_ that she had truly felt. 

"I _am_ Uncle's niece, that wasn't false, but I'm related to him by blood, not by marriage." She inhaled, exhaled once more. She would not go down without a fight (but could she really fight Jin?), she was a Princess after all. "I am the dau- _son_ " she couldn't help the venom in the word 'son'. "of Ozai, Fire Lord Zuko's sister..." Inhale, exhale, keep control. Sit up straight. Don't let her read you. "I am transgender." This time the words were not stumbled out, the last fringe of control before they started unravelling at the edges. "I was born as the prince, I'm... sorry, I lied t-"

"Azula." Jin interrupted, emotion indecipherable. "I don't care that you lied," (this was it, this is where she would get pushed away-) "And I don't mind that your body is what people define as 'male'." Jin reached out, putting a hand on Azula's chest, right above her beating heart. "Your body isn't what makes you a woman, what makes you a woman is right here," Jin emphasized her hand on Azula's heart. Azula felt so vulnerable, naked under the flames that lit the room. She leaned into Azula then hesitated. "Can I hug you?"

Azula felt something strange in her throat, something that wasn't used very often. With a jolt, she realized she was about to cry. "Yes." Azula was suddenly wrapped in Jin's warm embrace, the smell of the flower in her hair, the perfume she was wearing, the grounding tightness that surrounded her, Jin, Jin, Jin. Azula had spent her whole life feeling _wrong_ , it was all so much and it felt so _right_. Years of pain, heartache, the hours of wondering if she was wrong, the lie that she _was_ wrong were utterly washed away in the blinding acceptance, the rightness, of _Jin_.

Azula doesn't know how long they stayed like that, but she does know that when they looked into each other's eyes...

Azula pressed her lips against Jin's. It was clumsy, unpracticed, her eyes were still wet with tears, but it was perfect, just the two of them. Two girls alone in the dark, holding each other close. They pulled away.

Jin's brown eyes stared back at Azula's. "Azula... can you stay the night? It's too late for you to go home alone-"

Azula cut her off with a look. "It is late, I'll sleep on the couch-"

"No, my bed is fine. Plus, I'm not into... _that_ stuff," Jin said, face flushing red even in the pale lamplight.

Azula suddenly felt very awkward. "Sorry for ruining your outfit."

Jin shrugged. "I know, you thought it was very _sharp_."

Azula groaned in embarrassment. "Please do not ever mention that again."

-

When Azula woke up with the sunrise, the first thing she noticed was that the light was coming out of the wrong window. The second thing she noticed was that a pair of arms were wrapped around her. The third was that she was in Jin's apartment.

 _Oh._ She remembered the events of last night, a huge weight fell off of her shoulders. The confession didn't go wrong, and now she was here. In

It felt... nice. She felt warm, not like she was before, burning bright, so hot that she would have burned out, but instead, she was warm like a hearth in the winter nights. It was... safe. Despite being an early riser, Azula felt that she could melt back into the embrace forever, stay in the paradise that was Jin's sleeping breaths rise and fall with her chest.

It felt like the word home.

Then, two things in quick succession dawned upon her. One, she hadn't come home to Iroh last night. Two, she had officially been in Ba Sing Se for 2 months, which meant-

Oh no. Dear brother Zuzu and his Water Tribe boyfriend were coming over to the Jasmine Dragon. Where she worked. Where Soukah or whatever his name was didn't know that she was, well, a 'she'. Just as Azula was contemplating staying in bed all day, Jin began to stir. Azula gently turned herself so they were face to face.

"Morning, 'Zula'." The sleepy tone of Jin's voice made Azula think that she had just ascended to the Spirit World.

"Morning." She replied dumbly. Jin gave a tired grin.

"I know this might be weird but can I kiss you?" Jin asked. Azula smiled, giving her answer in the form of a short and sweet kiss to Jin's lips.

Jin yawned, stretching out. "Don't you-" Another yawn. "Don't you have to check in with your Uncle?" Azula hm'd.

"Yeah..." She trailed off, dreading the interaction with her brother's boomerang boyfriend.

Jin caught it immediately. "What's wrong?"

Azula sighed. "My brother and his boyfriend are visiting my Uncle and me. The boyfriend doesn't know about how I'm, you know, a girl." Azula admitted. Jin cupped one of her hands on the side of Azula's face.

"I'm sure it'll go great. If he tries anything, I'll be right there with you. Fire Lord's boyfriend or not, he's going to catch these hands." Jin joked, lightening the mood while still assuring Azula.

Bringing the conversation to Zuko made Azula snort. Jin was confused. "You remember Lee?"

Jin was confused. "Well, yeah-"

"Lee is Zuko, you went on a date with the Fire Lord."

Jin paused, taking it in. "Oh wow, I'm dumb. Iroh's the brother of the old Fire Lord, which makes him the Uncle of the current Fire Lord, and I saw him travel with Lee, who he called his nephew." She shook her head, smiling at her own ignorance. "I'm surprised I didn't figure it out earlier, I even knew that he was a firebender-" Jin stopped. "Oh, my spirits I went on a date with the Fire Lord and helped him through a gay crisis."

Azula barked a laugh. "And now you're dating his sister."

Jin groaned. "Why me-"

Her reply was interrupted by a sharp knock at the door. Azula shot up, instinct. Oh. She slowly relaxed back down, it was probably only Uncle. Azula suddenly became very aware of the fact she slept in the clothes from last night and the hairstyle that Uncle had spent 10 minutes on had fallen out. Jin sat up, more awake now but still obviously trying to stifle another yawn.

"Is that your uncle?"

"Azula!" A decidedly not-Uncle voice said. Oh, dear.

"No." Azula groaned. "That's my brother."

-

Of all the ways Azula thought she would introduce (or re-introduce?) her girlfriend to her brother, it was not because he had gotten directions from Uncle to Jin's apartment to get her up for her shift. Then again she would have introduced Jin via carrier hawk and a punch to the gut. That being Zuko's gut, Azula felt that she deserved it.

Jin was the one who answered the door, Azula was fixing her hair in the bathroom (after a small disagreement, Azula only gave in because she actually had to go somewhere but Jin had all the time after Azula left). Azula had heard the exchange through the thinner walls.

"Hello, Fire Lord Zuko, or should I say, Lee." Azula smiled, already imagining Zuzu's surprised expression.

" _Jin?!_ " 

"That's me." Azula could hear the cheeky smile that Jin had despite facing the leader of a world nation. _Then again_ Azula mused, working on brushing the last section of her hair, _She also did help this leader with a gay crisis._

"Do you know where Azula is? Uncle said that she'd be here- wait, did you just wake up?" A moment of silence, probably Jin smiling. "Then why would Azula be here unless-" Azula took the liberty of walking out at this moment, knowing fully well that her clothes looked slept in. Zuzu was staring, jaw dropped. He was wearing less showy robes, decked out in the greens typical of the Earth Kingdom.

"Morning, Zuzu." Azula greeted, snaking an arm around Jin's waist, standing beside her. "I see you met my girlfriend." The look on Zuko's face was worth being late to work.

"Y-" Zuko shook his head. "Too much. Uncle said he switched your shift with Li Wei's so you're not late. I brought Sokka with me, I haven't told him about... that very important thing." He eyed Jin strangely. _Oh_ , he didn't know that Jin knew. He was being an actually good older brother. Azula appreciated the effort.

"I told her." Zuko raised his one good eyebrow.

"Okay." He turned to address Jin. "Uh, sorry for that date we went on."

"It's fine, I have a girlfriend now, she's particularly _sharp_ when giving compliments." Jin nudged Azula.

Azula frowned. "I take it back, you're mean now." She joked. 

Zuko smiled awkwardly. "This is wonderful and all but Uncle said I have to get you because your shift starts in..." Zuko glanced up at the sky, tracking where the sun was. "Less than 10 minutes."

Azula sighed. "Sorry I have to go, darling." She pressed a kiss to Jin's cheek, pulling away from her and following her brother.

"I'll see you later!"

-

If yesterday was a calm before a storm, then today was a day of rest before a hurricane. Zuko had walked her in, on the way there they had talked about her time in Ba Sing Se, Zuko's endeavours as a Fire Lord, and their respective partners. Water-boy had apparently been waiting for them, such was what Zuko explained. He hadn't told her because he hadn't wanted to betray her trust, for which Azula was thankful.

It was only as she walked through the doors that Azula realized she should have pulled boomerang-guy aside and told him about how she flipped her gender presentation. _Maybe_ , she thought hopefully, _he won't recognize me long enough that I can tell it to him later_. Unfortunately, that was wishful thinking, as super-soaker was better at recognizing people than she thought he was.

Sokka opened his mouth, about to say her dead name-

"It's Azula now." She tried to speak over him, but it was a bit too late. The cursed, crawling word was out, Zuko and she cringing at the obviously male name. At least there wasn't anyone here at this time of day. Azula took the earliest shift specifically so she wouldn't have to deal with people, and today was historically a slow day. No customers heard the name that once defined her.

**But a server did.**

"You're not a girl?!" Li Wei said in shock. Then, accusatory. "You're not a girl."

Socks stood up, hopefully in her defence. "Hey-"

"No, all you are is a man in a dress, a creeper who wants to look at girls in the bathroom." The accusations were spat at her. That's not why she was a girl, she just was, not because she wanted to prey on people. She was not a man, Azula knew this but the words still hurt. _You're a monster_ seethed her mother's voice. _A disappointment_ hissed her father's. She pushed them away, they weren't real, but Li Wei was. He growled. "I can't believe you fucking lied to me-"

_You will **never** be a girl, you'll always be some-_

"You will not talk to my _sister_ like that," Zuko said, drawing to his full height. It honestly wasn't that tall, but the power that radiated off of him made him seem formidable. Azula wasn't fighting. It was one thing to fight against enemies, nameless, faceless soldiers who wanted to stop her from her goals (no matter how bad her goals were)... but people that she had gotten to know, the name she had gotten to know, the smug face that had asked her out almost every week... she couldn't do it.

"Who do you think you are to stand up for a pervert like that?" Li Wei gestured to Azula. Zuko scowled.

"I'm the fucking Fire Lord who ended the war," Zuko said, punching Li Wei square in the face and knocking him to the ground.

"You go, babe!" Azula heard Sachet say, but her mind was elsewhere. _They know, they know, you're a monster, a freak-_

She had to get away, had to _run_ \- Her feet carried her across the floor, through the streets, walking, faster, running, faster, _faster_ \- _you keep running from your problems, if only mother could see you know, she'd hate you- 'creeper, pervert, man'-_ Tears stung at her eyes, but she wouldn't let them fall, couldn't let them fall. She couldn't let the world know her shame.

 **Azula snapped back to reality** , finally taking into account her surroundings. After a moment, she realized that she didn't know where she was. She looked around, it was still part of the Upper Ring. After a quick retracing of her steps on a mental map, Azula realized that she must have run all the way to the East side of the city. Weariness sank into her bones.

Azula was exhausted. People were starting to walk the streets, fancy dresses of the Upper Ring making her outfit only stand out more. Luckily, not too many people stopped and stared, but Azula felt all of their eyes on her.

She was so, _so_ tired.

Azula just wanted to go home. Her feet carried her home.

Her first destination in her journey was a train ride to the Middle Ring, finding her way to Jin's apartment.

-

For the second time in 24 hours, Azula stood in front of Jin's door nervously. Azula had glanced at the sky, it had been about an hour since the events at the teashop happened, making a total of 2 and a half hours since she had left Jin's. Azula felt intrusive. Jin probably wouldn't mind, but Azula still felt that she owed Jin for her hospitality. Hopefully, Jin had tea leaves in her house. Two gentle knocks on the door.

"Hi- Azula?" Jin's face was immediately one of concern. "Are you okay-?" She cut herself off at Azula's silence.

"Do you want me to make you some tea?" Azula asked. She knew how she must have looked, hair ruined, eyes red and she was probably sweaty from her run across the city.

"Come in, I think I have some black tea leaves in the cabinet."

-

They were both silent as Azula made the tea. It felt awkward, like every noise Azula made when preparing the tea was multiplied and added in doubles to the tense atmosphere of the room. "So." Azula began, boiling the water. "How are you?"

Jin shrugged. "It's been a lazy morning, nothing has really happened. I'm going to go down to the bakery to plan what's to be sold tomorrow." Jin didn't press. Azula knew that she would have to tell her, but she herself was still processing it, giving herself time to dissect her thoughts. She appreciated Jin's hospitality, another reason Azula loved her girlfriend.

Azula took a breath. "Do you mind if I help you at the bakery today?" Before Jin could respond Azula gave an explanation. "Stuff happened at the shop today, I don't really want to go back right now." Jin looked... sad. Like her mother had once, but not at her, only at Zuko, like he deserved so much better than Azula or the world had thrown against him. Caring. Love. Not necessarily romantic but it was the love of a friend, of someone who understood her and burned so bright in her favour that she couldn't be around Jin without feeling warm and cared for.

Jin didn't press. "Of course."

They sat in silence, drinking black tea. The taste was smoke and metal on her tongue.

-

Working with Jin at the bakery was a nice change of pace. It wasn't that different from serving tea, she still was at a counter and giving things to people, except where she would have been dealing with nobles, they were regular people, common folk. No one was needlessly rude to her, everyone shockingly polite. As she went through the motions, she realized she didn't have to force her customer service smile, it was more natural. Jin was baking, Azula was managing the front. They fell into a rhythm.

Azula got to know a few people, they were kinder than the tea snobs. Apparently, they came in quite often and some knew Jin, or at least her family, and Azula blushed every time Jin introduced her as her girlfriend. Wow, they were dating. Azula was known as a girl and she had a girlfriend. Ozai would have a heart attack if he knew. If Azula had the courage to go up to him, she would love to see him go down that way. Allegedly, Jin usually liked sweeter flavours but secretly loved having a bit of spice. Azula would have to learn how to cook so she could make Jin some Fire Nation foods.

The smell of fresh bread permeated the small bakery, and for once Azula felt calm. Jin came out of the backroom, murmuring about how the bread was in the oven as she wrapped her arms around Azula in an embrace. Azula smiled. From what she could tell with her firebending, the sun was reaching its zenith, crawling towards noon. Jin pulled away slightly, keeping an arm on Azula's.

"I'm going to make some tea for us." Azula pressed a kiss to Jin's cheek. "Green tea?"

"You know it." Both girls grinned, feeling happier than before.

Which is why it would have to be interrupted.

A knock on the door- strange because most customers came into the clearly marked bakery without knocking. "Is this Moon Family Bakery?" Fuck, it was Zuko.

Jin and Azula exchanged a look. Azula sighed and nodded. Jin turned to the door. "Yes, come in!"

The bell chimed as Zuko walked in. "Hi." He stood in the center of the floor. Other customers glanced at him but didn't stare. Jin looked at both of them.

"I got this, babe, go talk to your brother," Jin said, squeezing Azula's arm lightly, grounding her.

Azula pursed her lips. "You sure?"

Jin's determined eyes stared back. She leaned in and whispered. "I don't care if he's the Fire Lord, say the word and I'll deck him. Go."

Jin was protecting her. Azula had never been protected before, never had someone willing to fight for her without Azula having to threaten or force them, but she _wanted_ to- Azula felt tears rise to her eyes. "Got it." She promised.

-

"I'm sorry." Was the first thing Zuko said to her. "I know that it was wrong but" at this Zuko grew angry, not at her, though. "that actual _asshole_ he hurt you, he fucking insulted my sister, he got fired but he deserved more," Zuko yelled, frustrated. His voice had slipped into the lisp of his childhood, he was that angry. Azula was shocked. He hadn't done that in years-

"It's okay, Zuzu." She paused, thinking of what to say. "I want to talk to your boyfriend." She decided on.

Zuko blinked. "Okay, I'll get Sokka in here." Oh, his name was Sokka. How delightfully boring. A few minutes passed, Azula heard the bell chime once, twice. She wasn't as a

When Zuko came back with Sokka, he looked distinctly more shaken than before. Looked like Jin gave him a good talking-to. Good for her. Sokka was sheepish, avoiding Azula's steely gaze. His brown eyes darted to her crossed arms, to her clearly feminine clothes, the chairs in the back, her crossed legs, the oven, her unimpressed gaze. Azula didn't break eye contact. Zuko left the room at a nod from Azula.

Sokka stumbled while pulling out the chair, movements stilted and nervous. He grinned up at Azula in an attempt to lighten the mood. Azula raised an unimpressed brow."Azula." Was the first thing he said, syllables unfamiliar on his tongue. He bowed his head, something she hadn't seen him do ever. "I am sorry." He took a breath. "In my ignorance, I directly caused the hateful words that were said at you today." Azula still said nothing. Sokka sighed. "I didn't do it on purpose, but that doesn't diminish the impact of my actions. If that had happened with Toph or Zuko I understand how they would feel, and I can't even think of how it impacted you." Azula internally absorbed this. The apology was sincere, and if Azula wasn't being bitter, it was truly an accident. Accidentally revealing someone's identity, it hurt her. Hurt her in ways that the Azula from a few months ago would rather have hidden forever in hopes to make that never happen then to be proud of. But it wasn't like that, Sokka didn't mean it, and even though it wasn't technically his fault he still apologized.

Azula chose forgiveness. She straightened and took a breath. Sokka's head twitched like he was to look up, but he stayed bowing. "I accept your apology and forgive you for any insult you have put upon me." Sokka finally met her gaze. Azula continued. "It was accidental, and I do not hold it against you, if anything I am disgusted at Li Wei's actions, but not at you."

Sokka breathed an almost-silent breath of relief. "Thank you."

"However," Azula said just to make him squirm, she turned away to keep Sokka from seeing her eyes as she idly focused on her nails and pushed down the urge to smile. Sokka, predictable, looked uncomfortable. "If you ever disrespect my brother _or_ my girlfriend, I will not hesitate to make you suffer." She pinned him down with her stare. "You will _wish_ I dropped you into a volcano."

Sokka gulped, throat bobbing. "Got it." He said.

"Good." Azula abruptly stood up, revelling in how Sokka jumped back a bit. "I was told that your little group of friends were joining us at the Jasmine Dragon in..." Azula felt around her inner fire to determine the time. "A little less than an hour."

Sokka was dumbstruck. "It can't be that late, how do you know?" Sokka glanced down at his left wrist at a small piece of metal and glass secured by a strap of some kind of animal leather. He scrutinized it. "Ah. I guess you're right" At her curious gaze he elaborated about the strange device on his wrist. "Oh, this is a time-watcher, or as I call it, a watch. There was this guy with the _weirdest_ name-"

Azula cut him off. "And?" Sokka rewired his sentence.

"Basically it says the time," Sokka explained. "How do you do it?" He made a wiggling motion with his fingers. "Normally Zuko tracks where the sun is, which makes sense, but you can't see the sun from here?"

Azula actually felt eager to share how she did it. "Firebenders have an inner fire which is aligned with the sun, as the sun rises, our potential for fire grows and reaches its peak at noon and starts decreasing slowly until reaches its lowest potential. It's not a dramatic increase, but it is a noticeable one. Particularly skilled firebenders like myself can detect the subtle changes and relate it to where the sun is positioned, therefore the time. It's easier to look at the sun's position, though."

Sokka was amazed. "Kind of like how Zuko is able to do that thing where he is able to tell where East and West are at any given time?"

Azula raised an eyebrow. "That's usually a sailor's trick-"

There was a rumbling outside that cut Azula off. They both shot to their feet, immediately ready to attack or defend. Zuko came through the door as if he expected them to be fighting. "What's going on?" Zuko asked. More rumbling, deeper and... more familiar.

"It wasn't me." Azula rolled her eyes. 

A bald, tattooed head popped into view at the window. "Hey, guys!" A certain Avatar said just as Jin peeked through the door.

"Avatar Aang?!" She yelled in confusion. Both Sokka and Azula lowered their stances, and Zuko's shoulders relaxed.

"Yo, dunderheads." Toph greeted, coming up from behind the Avatar, attempting to stick her face into the window.

"Toph Beifong?!?!?!"

Katara sighed as she came into view. "Did you guys really have to scare Zuko like that?" She ignored the indignant _"Hey what about me?!"_ from her brother and tried to look over the two thirteen-year-olds

"Master Katara?!?" Jin was now fully confused. Then again it wasn't every day that the Avatar and his little crew came into someone's bakery in the middle ring.

Aang smiled. "Hi! Mind if I come in?" he chirped, not waiting for an answer as he crawled through the window. Toph opened the wall as one would for a door (Ba Sing Se was almost exclusively made of earth, as many people were earthbenders and it was simply easier to do that than to import wood), and walked in. Katara only huffed as she followed Toph through the 'door', Momo wrapped around her shoulders. That Kyoshi warrior girl followed behind them. Toph closed the 'door'.

Azula sighed. "While everyone's confused I might as well say that I go by Azula, use female terms, and she/her pronouns."

Aang smiled. "Good for you, Azula! The monks said that our physical bodies hold our spirits, and sometimes when they don't align it can cause a block in our path to becoming the best version of ourselves." He explained. Strangely wise for a 13-year-old. Azula nodded in thanks.

"Good for you, Zappy."

"Okay."

"Cool," Katara said, not at all phased by Azula's potentially ground-shaking news. "We still have to be at Iroh's place in less than an hour though."

"Appa's waiting for us!" Aang motioned to the sky bison which looked very out of place in the street.

Before Azula knew it, she and the rest of the group were huddled onto the saddle of the creature and flying in the sky. Azula felt out of place there. Katara and the Avatar were holding hands and leaned against each other. Zuko and the Kyoshi girl were marvelling over Sokka's 'watch'. Toph was sitting near the back of the saddle, arms latched over one of Sokka's.

It was clear that Azula was not welcome here.

Her thoughts trailed to Mei and Ty Lee. Her first friends. Technically, they had only visited because of petty politics and visiting nobles, but Azula had managed to reconnect with them when chasing her brother. Because, she had explained to her father, who better to track her sibling than her sibling's old friends. She didn't deserve them, they definitely deserved better than her. Out of the corner of her eye, she saw Toph pull out a collapsable white cane... and promptly smack her in the face.

She furrowed her brows. "What was that for?" She rubbed the spot where it had hit. The cane was made of metal, the pain in her forehead told her.

"There you are." Toph nodded, scraping the cane along the bottom of the saddle as she felt her way over to Azula. "I'm blind, dumbass." Toph crawled along the bottom of the saddle slowly, seemingly having no shame. "And usually I see with my earthbending, but since Appa's saddle isn't made of rock, Sokka made this cane so I can actually, ya know, feel my way around." Toph plopped beside Azula. "What'cha thinkin' bout. I can see your dumb thinking face, and I can't even see."

Azula sighed. "Childhood. Parents."

Toph nodded, holding one finger up as to make a point. "Parents suck, can confirm. Treated me like some helpless little blind kid. I'm not sure it would have gone better or worse if I told em I was a girl- or at least part-girl."

Azula was confused. "You are quite possibly one of the strongest opponents I've faced, and I've fought the Avatar." She sighed, turning away from Toph. "Then again, parents _do_ suck." She mused. "Oh, thank you for the medication, by the way."

Toph punched her in the arm, not quite square on but pretty damn close. Azula vaguely recalled how that was how the earthbender showed affection. "You're welcome, Zappy."

"Zappy?" Azula raised a brow.

"Yeah." Toph wiggled her fingers. "Cuz you zap stuff with lightning. Sparky is what I call your dumb brother."

Azula snorted. "Glad we can agree on something." She then frowned, they had been flying for an awfully long time. "Shouldn't we have been there by now?" Azula peered over the side of the saddle... they were in the Lower Ring. The Avatar looked up at her curiously.

"I think so- oh. Sorry!" the Avatar pulled the reins and the bison turned and they flew over the middle ring once more. Not too much longer after that, the rooftop of the Jasmine Dragon. The Jasmine Dragon dragged her thoughts to her girlfriend. It made her heart flutter but...

It was at this moment that Azula realized she didn't say goodbye to Jin, and Azula was consumed with overwhelming guilt.

-

The chatter at the table was lively and bright. Azula felt welcomed, but she couldn't pull her thoughts away from Jin. She missed her. Today wasn't good but somehow Jin had always found a way to make it better, even if it was just something between them like bellflowers, green tea, and baking. This wasn't _her_ group, it was Zuko's. Every time they made a joke or poked fun at someone, Azula was reminded that she didn't belong. And if she was being honest, she didn't really want to. She was a pai sho tile from a different set, perfectly made but she didn't fit in. Maybe one day she would, but not right now. Not in this room, not today.

And that was okay. It was nearly dinnertime, the setting sun shining through the window. Unfortunately, she had an obligation to be here or she would have already invited Jin to their reunion dinner. Uncle noticed her staring out the window.

"I see your mind has wandered." He commented. Oh, he hadn't seen her since that morning when... that happened. "I think it will help that I invited someone."

Azula was confused. "Who? And why?"

Uncle smiled knowingly. "Jin."

With that single word, Azula felt alive. Out the window, there she was in all her glory, a girl others thought were plain but Azula thought was perfect. Azula didn't even spare a second glance to her uncle as she went out to greet Jin.

-

Azula, she thought herself, was not normal. She had spent her whole life feeling wrong, and only in the last 4 months had finally started to not feel wrong. But as she went up to Jin, her body finally one she could call her own, she didn't feel wrong.

No, she thought as she kissed Jin in the golden sunset, in fact, she felt _right_.

**Author's Note:**

> Shhhhhh I know that Jin Xuan tea was invented in 1980, Uncle Iroh is already cryptid, he can have a little time travel as a treat
> 
> Favourite thing to write: Zuko punching people that threaten his loved ones.
> 
> Fun fact: apple-dates (this is what my mom called them, I searched it up and apparently they're called jujube (could be lost in translation, they are commonly dried into a date-like fruit)) exist irl and today (Nov 6, 2020), my mother bought them for my siblings and me. I bit into it. The texture is that of an apple. It does not taste like an apple (though this may have been because it was slightly unripe). I was able to eat one bite, I did not like it that much, the taste was more like an apple peel rather than an apple. 7/10, do recommend.
> 
> Jin's last name is Moon because Zhu Li is now her child. I rest my case.
> 
> Second thing: matcha tea is not like y'all know it, I'm throwing it back to the original version
> 
> This fic is done I it's like my kid I feel bittersweet as I end it.


End file.
